“He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.”

from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)



@winnieharlow: Say hello to this beautiful mini me! @redefinedmybeauty I see you doing your thing baby girl! You’re a little sister in my head. ❤️ #vitiligo #WinnieHarlow #AprilStar #NOTvitiligomodels! #justmodelswithvitiligo

@redefinedmybeauty: Thank you @winnieharlow you’re such a role model for me and I hope we shoot together in the future.



tatianaception:

italysbaker:

tatianaception:

the idea of being right-handed or left-handed is so fucked up. like how in the hell is it evolutionarily advantageous to have one hand that’s good at everything and one that’s fucking useless. why aren’t we all dead.

Lol

thanks for ur contribution







metafuneral:

ajaxdotcom:

metafuneral:

teacher: hey you are failing your classes idiot

student: you know what teach? i dont give a swag *walks out*

that student.. as you may have already guessed.. was albert einstein

um..i think you made this up for notes?

first of all, how dare you



sjaejones:

neuroticmarshmallow:

sexy inexplicable melancholy

I think the time is ripe to reblog this.





chucklestheboywonder:

WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY EVERYTIME I SEE IT





supernatural-mishamigo:

vvaddles:

theselener:

vvaddles:

would u rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby??

whats a matter baby

nothing sweetie whats a matter with you??

I literally did not see that coming





“I want to roll over at 2 a.m. to a kiss from you not a text message”

(via clumsiest)



(JEAN-RALPHIO enters.) TOMMY T! You just missed the CRAZIEST of crazies. Clubs. Girls. Dancing. Naked—-MOM?!?! Argument. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a dumpster. Coming here. Crashing on your couch for a week ‘cause [sings] technically I’m homeless.

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